It’s been a while…

It’s been quite a while since I posted a new blogpost and I apologise for that, but finding out I was pregnant after the years of trying to concieve and having to deal with the not so pretty things about pregnancy was hard and if I am being completely honest, the time just went by soooo very fast.

So much so that I cannot believe I am heading into Pregnancy Week 28 and in about 77 days, our new bundle of love will be joining us. How crazy it feels, how grateful and blessed we are and I make a point of it to ensure that I thank God every single day for these blessings.

So let’s look at my pregnancy journey thus far…. Weeks 1 – 5 it seemed as if my bladder had shrunk and I had to go to the ladies every 30 minutes or so, at the time I did not yet know I was expecting but I knew something was up, because I have a bladder like a camel, or so my parentals always said, I went to the ladies maybe only three times per day…I know right….and now here I was wanting the loo every 30 minutes.

Then came week 6 and by this time I had done the bloodwork and knew for sure I was expecting a little one and the nausea arrived. Can I just day for me “morning” sickness wasn’t a thing, I was feeling sick and less than glowing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…it was tough! Nothing I ate or drank helped, the nausea pill I was given didn’t work and neither did the nausea syrup. Most days I felt like death and I was so tired it was hectic. This was my status until about week 13 when the nausea finally subsided and I started feeling more like myself.

Weeks 14 – 20 were much better and I had more energy and felt better, but still no glow…Where was this amazing pregnancy glow everyone always talked about? From week 21 to 24 I was anxiously awaiting the feeling of my baby moving and or kicking and not feeling it at them time everyone says you should be able to is very difficult and even though you try not to, you worry. Is he still safe? Is he still healthy? Am I healthy? Why can’t I feel him move or kick? All these questions flow through your mind and if not for a monthly ultrasound scan, I would’ve probably driven myself insane. Luckily since week 24 to date I can feel my baby move and it’s glorious, those little flutters, the not so subtle kicks and jabs every now and then, they all bring me immense comfort and love.

Given sometimes it can feel weird having a little alien moving around your stomach, but I know where this one came from and by God, its miraculous! Hold on mama’s who are and have been trying to concieve and just trust that God has got this, He has got you and He is in control! I read another blog (Barrentobeautiful.com) a while back of a mama who had the same fertility struggles and she speaks about cleaning out her garage with her little girl colouring in the floor who just suddenly asked her mother. Mom? Do you know why God waited so long to give you a baby? Shocked the mother looked at her beautiful little girl and said she didn’t but that she was so grateful that He did, when the little girl says to her mother…I know why she said to her mother. Why honey, the mother asked her beautiful little princess. When the little girl of three years old responds, because…. she said… He was still busy making me!

So remember future mommies, your baby hasn’t arrived yet and that is only because God is still busy making him or her for you. So keep praying and have faith, God’s timing is always perfect!

Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com
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Finding out you are Pregnant after Fertility Issues…

So, if you have followed my blog and the last two posts you would’ve noticed that I spoke about fertility issues and the reasons for that is because I had them too.

I was on the pill from the very young age of 13 years as I had quite terrible acne and skin problems and the Drs at the time said it would work the best, but even now I do still feel that I was actually still too young.

Move on 17 years later and I wen’t off for the first time. I was lucky enough that my hormones stabilized quite easily and despite only being three days late with Aunt Flo, my period went back in to schedule. Yes, there were some months where my dates were longer or shorter, but for the most part I could track it again to some accuracy.

So my hubby and I decided we will start trying for a baby and we thought it would be easy and happen quickly, but unfotunately that isn’t the reality for many people. Most people take a while to fall pregnant and afte unsuccessfully trying for about 2 years, we went to go see the gynae and she tested me and said all was good and we also tested hubby and he was fine too, so why wasn’t it happening for us. Month after month of dissapointments and feelings of inadequacy looming about it got really hard and I felt very despondent.

But, we kept the faith and kept trying and in early May 2020, after the storm that is Covid-19 came to RSA, my period was 5 days late and somehow I just knew something was happening, but I waited for the full 5 days, trying to not get over excited and to manage my expectations I took the test and that Saturday morning early I sat and waited for the test to do it’s thing, praying all the while for courage and strenght just in case it wasn’t positive and I waited. Those few minutes felt like an eternity and then 3 minutes later the words appeared on the digital screen, Pregnant, I lost my breath for a second, then smiled broadly as I jumped on my husband to share the good news, we were finally expecting and all I felt was blessed and thankful to God.

He knew the time he would send us this blessing, all we needed to have in return was faith in Him. It is so important to trust God’s plans for you, He knows what’s best because He loves us unconditionally and only once we surrender our control can he work his blessings.

So keep the faith, your baby is predestined for you and God know’s when the timing is right so just Trust in Him!

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Fertility and Your 30’s: Part 2

So here we are again, picking up where we ended off last time….

In my previous post I gave you a little bit of history and context to my own struggles and situation and today, we will continue with it. We discussed the hope you have when you and your partner are actively trying to concieve and all the ups and downs and checks and stuff you need to do. We also spoke about the hope you have when Aunt Flo is late and you think to yourself, maybe this time, just to be dissappointed by yet another negative pregnancy test and my advice to you would be this… Take a moment to evaluate, to breathe and try and relax as hard as it can be.

I did this by literally just taking things one day at a time, there is no use in worrying about tomorrow when today will have it’s own things to deal with. I took time to relax, to nap, to meditate, to re-discovering an old or a new hobby! I focused less on whether or not it might happen this month and just lived for the day I was dealing with now. I made peace with the fact that life itself is in God’s hands and not my own and some days it was harder than others, I mean, I am only human.

I spoke with my mom-in-law about all this and she told me that we just have to be patient, because our baby wasn’t ready yet, God wasn’t ready to send him or her to us just yet. I thought about this at lenght and coming from a person who had two mis-carriages before she had my husband, it suddenly clicked with me. She had to wait for him and he came at just the right time so that him and I would meet one day and get married and be married for almost a decade. We, as humans tend to think and live for the now, almost always forgetting that God’s perfect plan is long term and everything that happens, happens at the right time and place. God doesn’t make mistakes, we do.

So keeping this new found clarity at the front end of my mind, my whole approach changed, when it came to ”that” time of the month, instead of saying I hope, I hope, I hope, I started saying instead…”Not my will, but God’s be done”…. Yes, it was still hard and yes you still get upset, but you do not fall apart and you do not stress, you accept.

Another tip I will give you is Do Not Stockpile or Keep Buying Pregnancy Tests. They are expensive and makes the dissapointment all that much harder when you see the results. Instead I kept only one, an expensive R100,00 ClearBlue one and I told myself that I will only use it if Aunt Flo is more than 5 days late and even just doing that, kept the pressure at bay. So I hope I could provide you with some good tips and advice and I hope you try keeping them in the back of your mind.

God’s will, not mine be done! Take Care All!

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Fertility and Your 30’s

So, my apologies for being so quiet this month but it’s been a month of intense writer’s block and very low energy.

I have been meaning to address this topic for a while now and it seems as if the time was just never quite right. So I am in my early 30’s and have been married for almost a decade now. When we got married we were in our early twenties and we told all our friends and family that we would be waiting at least five years before conceiving and we thought it a good plan. That is until the five years came more quickly than we had anticipated. I have to say that when we were about 2 years married, we did however have one pregnancy scare earlier than anticipated and that was despite me being on contraception and us using added protection… It turned out though that the test was a false positive and the blood test confirmed no conception. We had mixed feelings at the time, but in a way we were relieved as our plan was always 5 years.

So, the years went by and very fast too I might add and our lives just didn’t seem to be stable enough for a little one. I have to say though, that I had always wanted kids when I was younger and as a teenager I had the same ideas as many others. I wanted the ideal life, married by 24 first baby by 26 and a second by 28 and then we would be done, of those goals, only the first realised and as I grew older and wiser I re-evaluated my goals as two kids just seemed too many for us particularly. Everything was so expensive and the world was changing so rapidly and thankfully my husband agreed with me. We wanted just one kid, that would be good enough and a great enough blessing in itself.

Let’s fast forward to me going off the pill in 2017, thinking that I would give my body a year to adjust back to normal processes and then we could start trying for our little one in January 2018….Unfortunately we had learned that falling pregnant is not just as simple as bird and bees and “you know” because it just didn’t happen for us. It was a rough time and suddenly as a woman you start fearing for your fertility; Would I even be able to have a baby? What if I can’t would we adopt? (We had agreed as a couple that IVF is not sometihing we would consider as my inlaws had gone through that process and thousands of Rands later it hadn’t been successful and eventually my mom in law fell pregnant naturally)

Other fears arose on my side as I had Hypothyroidism and miscarriages on both sides of our family was prevalent. What if I lose a baby? Am I strong enough?to handle it? These were all legitimate fears and so I tried to focus on my health and losing weight, which I did manage to do, but picked up again unfortunately. After two and a half years of trying, unsuccesfully, to concieve we decided it best that I go see my OBGYN for a checkup. Since I had not had one since 2011 so I booked my appointment and we also decided to get my husband tested while we were at it. All tests were good, there seemed no logical reason why it wasn’t happening and we were doing everything right.

I have to tell anyone out there who has been trying for a while, it is best to get yourself checked out, at least then you know biologically everything is good and if not you can get the neccesary medical attention required to address the issues. After my visit with my OBGYN I was relieved because we always hear if you as a woman is past 30, your chances of concieving and or having a baby with health issues was a given. My OBGYN, however calmed me down and told me that in the past that might have been the case but that 40’s now was the new 30’s of the past, which meant it really does get substantially harder after 40 years of age, when menopause looms. So I was very relieved, we still had time. She put me on a powder to help things along and I diligently used it.

However, despite knowing both of us were fine and it could still happen you still stress, even though stress is the anti-baby, because stress influences so much of our lives and health. So you try not to stress, just be zen they say, but that doesn’t always happen so easily and add into the equation Covid-19 and the world is in disarray and life becomes even more uncertain and stressful, but you try. All you can do is try!

I think the most horrible part of trying to concieve and not being successful is the hope that you feel whenever your period is almost there and you wait to see…did it happen or not. For me and some of my friends and most people I have spoken to this is the most heartbreaking thing about struggling to fall pregnant, that incessant hope and all those hopes being crushed whenAunt Flo makes her unwanted appearance. It is extremely difficult to explain this to people if they are not in the same situation, because you spend money on hopes (pregnancy tests) which all come out negative when all you really want is for the test to say that it’s positive.

Add ti that, that the human mind and brain, which is an amazing but tricky organ can play nasty tricks on you. I had times when I had all the symptoms of pregnancy and my period was late and still the test comes back negative and you are shattered. I don’t wish this feeling on anyone, it hurts and it is one of the most difficult things to deal with when trying to concieve.

So this is my story, my opinion and I will elaborate more on this topic in future posts, but for now, I’m out. It’s been a long post and there is much to think about. If you are or have been in a similar position, I am here to listen to you and I promise you I will understand.

For now though, never lose hope, even if it can hurt! All the best and God bless, Tasj!

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What happened to June…

So, I cannot believe we have reached the end of June 2020. This first half of the year has been challenging but also wonderful and we look forward to what the next 6 months will bring.

What I have learned so far….

I have learned to listen to my body and my mind. To notice the changes happening and to live in the moments as they come, because the future is unknown and anything can happen. Like we all found out when we first became aware of Corona or Covid-19 Virus.

I have re-learned that everything happens for a reason even though we might not know why or how these things that are happening are good. I have learned to take every day as it comes, no use wondering about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own things that will preoccupy your mind, so just focus on the day you are living right now. By doing this I have managed to greatly decrease my stress levels and you can too.

Listen to your body, it is the greatest tool you posses and it doesn’t have any bias tendencies. It tells you what you need, all you must do is listen and get to know it better. When you understand your body and listen to it, you will soon realize how much better you feel.

What has these first 6 months of 2020 meant for you?

Keep on reflecting & Take Care!

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Manicured, Panic-cured!

I love a good Gel Manicure or Acrylic nail set as much as the next girl. It looks beautiful, if you generally have weaker nails, it helps strenghthen and prevent breakage, but is it always a good idea?

My answer has to unfortunately be, no. You see I have an, you can almost call it, an obsession with my nails and they have to look beautiful and neat and just gorgeous. If my nails don’t look good, I do not feel good, so it’s very important to me.

The reason I think this is, is because when I was a young child, I had a horrible nervous tick, I used to bite my nails. (I know, gross) Not to the extent of some of the ladies might have, but I did bite them. This meant that during school I was very unhappy, because I felt my nails looks ugly and therefore I felt ugly. It was only once I finished school that I became aware of Acrylic Nails and it was love at first site. I remember walking out of Planet Nails with these beautiful long, french manicured nails and I felt like a goddess. Were these my nails, were these my hands and it became an obsession and I loved it.

Unfortunately, after a couple of months the process became too expensive for me, I was just out of high school and working, not earning that much salary wise and I realised I had to stop for a while. I missed the lenght of the nails, but I accepted it. Funnily enough, after school I just stopped biting my nails. I think that’ it was because I got so used to them looking so gorgeous, that despite the fact that I didn’t have funds to maintain this hobby, I still wanted to do my best and so started my love of nail polishes. I used to give mysef mani’s every week, if one nail chipped I took all of the colour off and re-did them.

No cover-ups, if you want it done right, just take it all off and start anew and that kept me happy for a while. Soon, however I realised that my nails were too brittle to grow very long and that upset me, but I kept doing the mani’s weekly untill I changed jobs and my income doubled suddenly. The first thing I did when my first pay check landed in the bank was head to the salon for a new Acrylic set and it was so worth it, until again it became too costly. I then opted for the glue on nails, they gave me the lenght I wanted and looked neat but when a nail popped off every now and then I started to get frustrated once more and it was embarassing. Lucky for me Broadway Impress developed a new stick on nail with a nail tag and no glue required and I loved those, they stuck on, looked professional and the colours were amazing. Until they changed it too much and you could no longer get solid colours because the accent nail arrived. That and they also got very costly.

I had always wanted to do my own nails, so when a new store opened that didn’t require you to have a beauticians license to by the products, I jumped at the chance. It would maybe be expensive on the first trip, but thereafter it would be much more cost effective and it was. I was happy and my friend and I, would meet up every few weeks and do our nails together. It was glorious, untill…

We had done our nails as usual, but this time something strange occurred, everything was fine until I went to bed that night. All of a sudden my fingernails started burning, it was as if they were on fire and someone was pressing down on my fingertips so hard that I felt as if they were being slammed in a door. I was confused, it hurt and I couldn’t understand it. The next morning after finally being able to fall asleep somehow, my fingers were pounding and swollen and on my fingertips it looked as if small blood vessels were or had popped and it was bad and burning.

Not knowing what it was, was freaking me out and so I went into the study to remove the nails. Once they were off, the swelling went down and the pounding had stopped and the skin on my fingertips started to harden. It was a few days later, that I realised that some of my nails had lifted from the nailbed and I was terrified! So terrified that I went to see my dermatologist, who advised me that I had developed an allergic reaction to the chemicals in acrylic and gel paint and that I now had Onycholysis.

I asked the Dr what to do and he said I needed to stop using the products completely, so I did and I was heartbroken. I asked if I would ever be able to wear nail polish again and to my relief he said that I can, as long as it’s normal nail polish and not the gel and acrylic kinds. I have to admit I was sad, but also relieved that I could at least still wear those deep reds, plums, blacks and more colours which I so adore and so, that is what I am doing now and have been doing since.

With Onycholysis, you just have to discontinue use of the products immediately and give your nails time to grow out. It was terrifying, but at least my nails are fine now, albeit too short, because growing them long results in breakage….So if you have used or use gel and acrylic nail products, keep an eye out for these signs because in some of the more extreme cases of Onycholysis, your nails fall off completely and never come back! I don’t know about you, but that to me is one of my worse fears!

If you experience any of the below signs after receiving a Gel / Acrylic Manicure, remove it immediately;

  1. Pressure on the nail as if it’s been pressed down on very hard.
  2. Itching around the cuticles, which later forms small bumps like eczema.
  3. Burning sensation on the nails and fingertips.
  4. Visibly burst tiny blood vessels.
  5. Sensitive and swollen fingertips, which eventually turns into hardened dead skin on your fingertips, be aware!

Rather go back to your normal nail polishes, even though it might be more of a shlep. I would rather deal with that, than not have any nails left…how about you?

I hope this helped and you remember the signs.

Take Care & God Bless!

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Avo Toast!

So it’s Friday and for the first time in about two weeks I have some energy at the moment.

I have been feeling quite ill over the last two weeks and today I feel almost like my happy self again, it is quite interesting how your mood is influenced when you feel ill. Everything seems harder, things look darker and energy is lower than normal.

I am just grateful I am having a good day today and also because it is Friday and I am looking forward to the work day being over and for the weekend to begin. What are your plans, I am just going to relax and paint a bit. Read a bit and think a bit, but also prepare for the week ahead, because it might be a hectic one for me.

I am going to go get some lunch now, because I am hungry and today feels like a Avo Toast kinda day!

Well, may your Friday be grand and your weekend even better.

Take Care!

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It’s a Bright June Afternoon!

Crediting my title to a Roxette song and even though our June marks the beginning of Winter, we do sometimes get bright days. May ended off with some amazing rain, pouring down onto the earth and being absorbed deep inside the earth by all the roots of all the plants, echoing joy as the water feeds the earth and it’s inhabitants, big and small!

May has been a very interesting month for me, it’s the month after my birthday and the month that marked many changes in our lives, the effects of which will stay with me for the rest of my life.

2020 with all it’s challenges has been a month of growth, reflection, creativity and love. Love for hobbies long since enjoyed, love for myself and my life. Gratitude for all the many blessings I have in my life and a growing sense of wonder about life and all it’s many wonders.

I am ending off May with love and gratitude in my heart and a longing for all the many more wondrous things that may lay ahead.

I hope your May was wonderful too and despite everything, you have grown. I welcome June with open arms and a loving heart and I hope you do too! It is the middle of the year and even though the first half has been difficult at times, may the second half be much better.

With our country going down to Lockdown Level 3 now, we are hopeful that we may once again see our friends, even though we must still be prepared, wearing our masks, keeping a 1,5 metre distance and practicing good hygiene. Just to be able to be in the same room as them will be a blessing in itself.

Take Care and God Bless!

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Feel Good Friday!

Have you ever wondered what has happened to the film industry, thinking to yourself that there is just too much violence, obscene language and sex everywhere. Do wholesome movies still exist in mainstream cinema? I have been feeling, that it doesn’t and it is something that upset me more than I thought it could.

This past week hasn’t been my best, I have been feeling ill and very down, unmotivated to do anything really and it got to me. All I wanted to do was watch a feel good, wholesome movie and thinking about this, I realised that there aren’t many of those anymore. The ones which are, are remakes, like Mary Poppins and for me I prefer the vintage movies, the originals, the classics and so I was looking around trying to find them.

Sure we have our favourites, the ones we still have on DVD, but we’ve seen them so many times and we know it by heart and they are fantastic, but I wanted to watch something new, something sweet, something wholesome. So I went onto YouTube and suddenly realised how much I loved Hallmark movies and found some to watch and enjoy on there.

(Love on the Rise; Frozen in Love; Dash of Love; Just my Type & Summer Love) Yeah I know all muchy romantic movies, but that is what my sould craved and it was worth it!

It was a pleasure to watch these movies and yes, some people might say they are cliche, but sometimes a little cliche is just what the soul needs and let me tell you I loved each and every movie I had watched in the past two days. What I love about Hallmark is that it is honest, wholesome and doesn’t try to be something it is not, or even worse…mainstream. There are some great actors and actresses involved in the Hallmark movies and I feel they need to be recognised.

I have a new found respect for some of them and I have fallen in love with a few of them all over again. They deserve it and I am grateful for it. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation than I was in this week, why not check out some of those lovely and wholesome Hallmark movies and if you are anything like me you will love them too!

Have a beautiful weekend and Take Care!

Tasj

When people go silent…

Have you ever known people, who stop talking to you once you stop talking or reaching out to them? I have and in my life it has often happened.

But when is it time to let them go? If you are anything like me, that is a very difficult thing to do. I still have numbers and details of people which I haven’t spoken to in decades and yet I cannot bring myself to get rid of their details, because for me it is very difficult to give up on people.

However, there are times in your life when giving up some people is exaclty what you are supposed to do, so that you can move on with your life and follow your path and the same applies for them. To quote the unknown Author …

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”

So learn to recognise the categories in which some of the people in your life fall, accept it and then move on. It’s the healthy thing to do.

Always remember that people who want to be apart of your life are, you don’t need to force it by being the only one who initiates contact. The same can also be applied to love relationships. Always remember that!

Take Care and Stay Safe!

God Bless!

#Love #Joy #Reason #Season #Lifetime #Blessings

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